Three Weeks + One Day

I've been home three weeks and a day now and it still feels totally normal and completely weird. It's normal because this is where the majority of my life has taken place. I understand all of the social norms, even if some of them do get on my nerves. I know the laws and that there are consequences for breaking them. I'm around all the people I love and who love me. I'm eating my favorite foods and doing my favorite things.

And while all of this is good...it's weird to be an adult here. When I left for Nica I was basically fresh out of college. While that's technically an adult, I was still growing up. Now that I've seen and been a part of something to different, well, I'm different. And that makes me see the things and people and social norms I'm used to different.

When I see a woman in line getting impatiant with an old man paying for his groceries with coupons and then ends up having to put something back because he doesn't have enough money, I want to remind her she's not the center of the universe and that this is his life. How can a person stand there and think about how his life is a waste of her time? That made me so angry. I know I've been impatient in the past so...I'm judging the past-me too.

There are three kinds of people who ask me questions about my time in the PC. The worst are those who really don't care and are just waiting for their turn to talk. Their questions are one or both of these:

#1 How was it down there? (in a disgusted voice)

#2 Bet you're glad to be back, huh? (in a condescending voice)

The second group of people are those who care but don't know the "right" questions to ask because we haven't been in touch much/at all while I was gone. These people usually ask #1 and #2 but without the weird voices. They might even put up with an anecdote or two :) I like these people and can usually guide the conversation to a part of my life they might want to hear more about.

But the best are the people who are actually interested and have stayed in touch with me while I was gone. They can ask the pointed questions.

#1 How is the readjustment going?

#2 What do I miss the most from there?

#3 How did it change you?

I have answers to all of these questions and more. I'll even answer (honestly) the questions from group #1 (They usually get a "It was great," and a "Oh...yeah. Definitely.")

Dear Group #1:

It was eye-opening to live in such a poor country. People can live with so little, which is in opposition to everything our culture crams into us; I mean, Black Friday...? Stabbings, and pepper-spray, and having it now encrouching on our family Thanksgivings? That's sick. We're doing that while 48% of Nicas are living below the poverty line, 79.9% live on less than $2 a day, and 27% are suffering from malnutrition. I'm not saying we should give up buying new things sometimes or try to live on $2 a day, but we should keep ourselves in check.

And to answer your second question, duh I'm glad to be back. But not in the way you mean. You think it completely sucked down there and that everything here is awesome. Yes it was hard being away from my family for so long. I don't want to live far from my family for that long again. And it's nice coming back to all the conveniences and new music and delicious foods. But not everything is a joy to come home to. I'm not the only one that's changed in the last two years. Some people are all about appearances. Some are more materialistic. Some are more cynical. Some are more depressing to be around. I just don't know how to deal with some people because my values have shifted and so have theirs. And people in general aren't as friendly here. It's all about rushing to get to the next place.

End Group #1s letter. They would never listen that long or read that much anyways. I'll bypass group 2 and go straight to 3. The most interesting question makers.

My readjustment is going okay. There are some days when I go crazy and want to yell at the impatient woman in the store. There are some days when I'm just sad to not be there any more. I am more anxious here. I'm worried all the time: that someone will die in a car accident or have a heart attack and I'll never see them again, that I'll never get a job, that I'll run out of money. I never used to worry that much. I think it's because I was away for so long I'm afraid others will disappear from my life and, as for the money/job worries...I've seen truly poor people and want to be able to save so I can keep myself and those I love out of simliar situation.

What I miss most from there are the slower pace of life. Nicas always have time for other people: to talk, help them out, whatever. They're never rushing off to a meeting or work or home. If you show over unannounced, they act as though they expected you. There is always a hammock available for a quick (or long) nap. Time is different for them. Time isn't money. It's free and it's something they can give.

As for how I've changed...clearly I'm more judgemental of my culture and the people in it. I don't know if that's a positive or negative change, but it's a change. I just see more things as frivolous and other people seem to disagree. Like I said somewhere above, my values have shifted to things that are less material but more real.

I am more appreciative of my life and all the blessings in it. I want to help other people overcome the challenges in their lives. I don't know how or where, but I want to help.

And that's a wrap people. Adios.